Amazing Post

I have so many good friends who are amazing bloggers. But sometimes a post just reaches out a grabs you--if you have the time, check out my friend Suzanne's latest post here http://suzannebree.blogspot.com/2012/01/growing-up.html

But if you don't want to do that I am going to copy her post below. Hopefully she won't make me take it down but it is so awesome I want it in my blog book when I finally do that and just the link won't make that happen! Thank you so much for your words Suzanne--they really meant a lot to me today.

Growing Up
So for a really long time I've been of the school of thought that you can only use your past as an excuse for your present issues for a certain amount of time. There comes a point when each of us has to grow up and take responsibility for our lives, our lifestyles, our decisions, all that. So you had a rough childhood. Well, now you're a grown up, so grow up and stop doing whatever it is that your rough childhood "made" you do. I am still of that school of thought, I guess, but over the past couple of months it's really shifted for me. I am learning that it's not always that easy. In fact, most of the time it's probably not that easy. I don't really see it as what somebody's rough childhood (or whatever it is) made them do, but what they have done in order to deal with what they've experienced. What they've done in order to survive circumstances that were out of their control. I believe that most people have had very difficult things they've had to overcome as they've grown up. "Kids always made fun of me." "I was never good enough for my parents." "I was abused." "My mom died when I was very young." "I never had any friends."If you haven't had any of the more difficult things to go through, consider yourself lucky. But when I hear people say things like that, I usually just think to myself, Yeah, that happened. But that was decades ago! You need to let it go, move on. Grow up. Stop using it as an excuse. You can only blame the past for so long before you just need to take responsibility for yourself and stop hiding behind your excuses. I realize now, after getting to see an inside view into the experiences of others, and how they work through these things, that just because you're a "grown up" doesn't mean you can just stop whatever your coping behavior is. A lot of people don't even realize that their particular bad habit (or whatever it is) is tied to anything. A lot of people don't realize that they haven't yet dealt with and gained closure from past difficult experiences. And if they do realize why they're doing what they're doing, if they do realize they have open wounds that are so old they should be long healed by now, a lot of times they have no clue how to do it.It's really easy to say (and believe) that you've overcome things and that you're better and all good, but if you haven't faced the root of the issue, maybe you're not. As Bob Harper says, you can't heal a wound by slapping a bandaid on it. You can protect it, maybe, but a splinter, for example, is not going to just go away with a bandaid. It has to be dug out and dealt with. I have spent a lot of time lately watching weight loss shows. Once I finished up Biggest Loser, I started watching Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. On the makeover show, Chris Powell takes one person for a whole year and works with them to help them transform their lives--to change not only their weight, but to help them become new from the inside out. That means getting in there and pulling out the splinter. Figuring out, and dealing with, why they got to being 200-300+ pounds overweight in the first place. I've watched people who have been so used to using a bandaid finally get to the point where they're able to work through their pain from the past.I have realized that it doesn't just come with age. The person has to be ready to deal with it, and then they have to have the tools it takes. If I'm afraid to touch the splinter because it hurts so bad, I'll never do it. Then if I decide it needs to be done, but I don't have the tweezers or the needle or whatever I need to help myself, I won't be able to do it. The circumstances have to be right, and the tools have to be there.I guess the bottom line that I have learned through watching these people is: Don't be so quick to judge people as using their past as an excuse for their behavior (whether it's eating, doing drugs, drinking, anger, immaturity). They do need to be expected to grow up and act like an adult, but there is also plenty of room for compassion when somebody has things they need to work through. And compassion for realizing that the things they went through are real for them. And they hurt. And they need kindness, love and support rather than bottom lines, ultimatums, and lack of understanding. Especially from family members. And they need people to believe in them, and to never give up on them. It doesn't mean to just let people hurt you over and over again, but it does mean that we should love them. Forgive them. Pray for them. And never just write them off as a lost cause.I have a few family members who have done some very hurtful things. Things that nobody can understand why anybody would do. Can't they see what they're doing? Don't they see how wrong they are? Don't they care about who they're hurting? Why, why, why? We don't always know why. They don't even always know why. But someday they will have their eyes opened, they'll see what they've done, and they'll hurt over it worse than any of the rest of us. And when that day comes, I sure hope that we can all be there ready to welcome them back. Ready to offer our love and support as they work through their pain and as they do what they can to right their wrongs.Yes, it's about weight loss for me. I need to just grow up and stop turning to food for--what? I still don't have any clue what it is for me that makes me sometimes lose control with food. It has been eye opening to watch these shows and see people finally figure it out, finally conquer it. And to see some who don't. On Extreme Makeover there was one man who was so far gone it was beyond what Chris could do to help him. But Chris did help him find who could help him, and the man started a very difficult journey beyond what the show could do. It's sad to see. It hurts. I saw little parts of myself in him. To a much lesser degree, but it was there a little bit. My family and friends have been awesome, never making me feel like an outcast for being fat. For eating too much. Nobody has ever told me what I now have to tell myself: Just grow up and stop the bad behavior. Nobody has pushed me away or made me feel like less of a person because of my struggles. It really is something I had to be ready to tell myself. I guess food is seen a little differently than other addictions. Some people have to deal with addiction to illegal substances, or pornography. Some people have to deal with taking out all of the frustration of severe childhood abuse on their present families. It's not okay for any of us to deal with our issues this way. It's not okay for me to deal with stress by busting out a package of oreos and eating half of it (or all of it sometimes) all by myself in one sitting. I mean, what is that? It's not okay! It's not okay to turn to alcohol to numb any kind of pain. But people do it. Sometimes people just don't know where else to turn. It doesn't mean they're horrible people. It means they need help. And they need people who are willing to help them, and love them, and never give up on them. And to recognize that you can't just snap your fingers and grow up. It's not that easy. How many years have I been an overeater? Like, all of my life! Of course there are extreme situations where a person's behavior has to be stopped immediately because of the dangers to other people. I'm not saying it's okay for people to hurt others just because they're trying to fix themselves. I guess all I am saying is that I want to be careful to not live a bottom line kind of attitude. I want to be there to walk with others along their journeys, and not be one of those people who waits at the end of the road, considering whether or not a person is worthy of my friendship or my love, and that if they finally "earn" it, maybe I'll be willing to let them back into my life.I've been blessed to be able to be part of the healing journeys of a couple of people, and it's very rewarding. And in the process, I have learned and grown myself, and become a much better person than I would have been had these people not been in my life. I'm just really grateful for the new perspective I've been blessed with as I've watched people on these shows change themselves forever. It's something that will bless my real life from now on.