The Uh...

Ok, I am tired of carrying a purse around—it’s just annoying. If I’m wearing jeans with pockets—no problem, I can fit my keys, my cards (ID, credit, blah, blah), some cash, my lip gloss, my cell phone and even my shuffle in my pockets. I’m all set to go. But if I’m wearing work-out clothes, which I do often to pretend I am fit, I have no pockets. My husband gets annoyed because I don’t have my cell phone on me then, so I started packing it in my bra. OK, a little weird but where else am I going to put it? So maybe it disturbs the family a little to have my chest ringing. I know people tried to get “fanny packs” into style years ago but seriously—are you going to wear something that makes your abdomen look even fatter!? Not a chance in…, well, you know. Ok, back to the phone in the bra—this little plan doesn’t work because anytime I bend over the phone falls out. So I have come up with the greatest idea for an invention ever— the Breast Chest, or the Bra Spa, …or something--help me out here. It’s a pack designed to be worn like a bra (2 functions in 1) so the more stuff you fit in it, the bigger your chest is!! How brilliant would that be—I would have all my stuff in a place that couldn’t be pickpocketed very easily, I don’t have to lug a dumb purse around, and I’d have some new curves. Sweet.